Tantra – What You Need To Know
Tantra, here's what you need to know. What it is and why you should be cautious of people teaching it.
Words are only used as placeholders for the actual person, place or thing. A tree is not actually a tree. "Tree" is simply a word used to describe something. Tantra means different things to different people; there is no one set way of looking at it.
The purpose of this article to bring awareness to the different ways of exploring Tantra so that you can be more informed.
Tantra is a Sanskrit word that translates to “loom” or “weave” and we find it's earliest references in ancient Hindu texts. However, this article is not a history lesson, so let's talk about what Tantra means to people today.
I would say that the majority of people think of Tantra as sacred sex or spiritual sex. I teach Tantra. I teach people who teach Tantra. My observation is that the world of Tantra today is offering a whole lot of sex and very little heart.
A while back I joined a few Tantra Meetup groups to see what they were up to. I was so unsettled by what they were offering that I left the groups. By the way, I never went to one of their events - I only saw what they were presenting.
When I talk about Tantra I am referencing sacred, spiritual sex. I also refer to it as a form of Yoga – which translates to “yolk” or “union”. An intrinsic part of feeling a sense of union when relating to sex is the heart. Very few of the Tantra teachers who come to me know how to connect directly through the heart alone without any sexual stimulation - or rather sexual energy being evolved.
With the heart alone we are able to tap into the most pleasurable and connected states. When the heart center of a person is fully open, and is stimulated, we can access states of pleasure and connection that transcend any purely sexual experience.
We actually have the ability to experience what a full body orgasm feels like with the stimulation of the heart alone – fully clothed. The deepest intimacy comes through the heart. Orgasms are great and all, but we crave intimacy much more than sex.
Try to remember an incredible orgasm you've had in your past. Now try remembering the most intimate moments of your life. If you can recall a mind blowing orgasm, it's probably because you felt open and deeply connected – intimate. It's true intimacy we are craving and lacking – including within our sexual lives.
Deep intimacy can be easily experienced in a sexual space – but it's not common.
I have seen similar practices to Tantra pop-up that are motivated by the belief that women are not receiving enough sexual pleasure – to which I agree. However, their hearts are receiving much less satisfaction than their sexual cravings. Connect the heart to the sexual energy and you will experience pleasure beyond belief.
I see many Tantra teachers using words like lingam and yoni to reference sexual anatomy and to sound more spiritually connected. A yoni massage sounds much more elevated than female masturbation – but still no reference to the heart.
I would like to clarify that when I teach Tantra I do not disregard sexual energy – I love sexual energy and am a very sexual being. However, I first help people become deeply intimate with their hearts – then we connect to the sexual energy.
As far as Tantra groups, the following (very simplified scenario) is what you will likely encounter: You sit in a circle with other novice Tantric explorers. The teacher explains a little about the practice and you may have some sort of meditation that sets the stage to honor and respect one another.
Afterwards, you are guided to go around the circle and explore one another with touching and kissing – asking for permission at every step of the way. Maybe you are guided to be present and actually feel what you are experiencing so that your senses are enhanced – but still no teaching of a connection through the heart.
I understand that many teachers have a pure intention and feel they are teaching to the level of their students. If you feel I am talking down on Tantra teachers out there, please hear me when I say that's not my intention. My intention is to help people to understand that there is more.
If I were just beginning my search for higher, more connected sexual spaces, and went to one of the Tantra groups I've heard about, I would leave feeling empty.
So what should you look for when selecting a Tantra teacher? Look for someone who teaches to connect through the heart. Sometimes (more often with men than with women) sexual energy needs to be stimulated in order to get the heart juices flowing. This is because we are unaccustomed to feeling the energy of our hearts.
In the beginning of learning sacred sex, sexual energy should only be used to stimulate the heart – then the focus should be on the heart. I must insert here that there is no ONE way of getting to a state of oneness with ourselves and our partner - Yoga. This is simply a guideline – everyone is different.
Here is a list of questions I would ask a teacher if I were searching:
Do you teach how to connect through the heart alone?
Can you teach me how to sustain intimacy in a relationship?
Can you teach me to stimulate my partner without touching them physically or saying a word?
Can you teach me how to have a full body orgasm with my partner while fully clothed?
Can you teach me to feel all of the physical sensations my partner is having?
Are you familiar with teaching a merging of consciousness to reach a singular shared awareness?
Not everyone is ready for the depth of the teachings I listed as questions. However, if you get a yes, you know you've probably found a good teacher who can teach to where ever you are.
I hope this was helpful for you! Enjoy the erotic, sensuous, loving, blissful, transcendent space that Tantra can offer.
Please share if you found this article helpful.
Thanks for reading!
The Relationship Coach
2017 copyright TheRelationshipCoach All Rights Reserved