Do Women Like Sex?
I recently posted a video about superficial sex, to which I received the following response. I choose to label this Do Women Like Sex.
The letter was very long. With her consent, I will only publish a portion of it in order to convey the sentiment.
I addressed this person privately, but will follow the letter here with a response for you, the reader. Whether you are a guy who wants to be more informed about sex and what women are going through, or a woman who is tired of superficial sex, I hope this helps you in some way.
Sorry this letter is long, but I felt the need to share this with you. I recently saw your video about superficial sex and it may have ruined my relationship. I love my boyfriend dearly and I'm not sure how I feel or what to do at this point. I have been with him for 4 years and things have been getting very serious between us including talks of marriage, but now I don't know where we stand. Please help!
Let me back up a bit. I'm 31 years old and have had 3 serious relationships (including this one) and a few flings, and sex has always been a major issue in all them. I have always found sex to be very unsatisfying and disconnected. I say a major issue but not noticeably. It has only affected me internally because I just go along with the displeasure since I felt the way he interacts with me sexually is just how guys are.
I have always felt like just a piece of meat. Like they are just using my body to get off on. I have been in love, just as I am with my current boyfriend, and we do have intimacy, but when it comes to sex, it almost always feels like a chore. It feels like some chore I have to do for him.
Many times I find myself turned on and feeling very sexual but it always ends in disappointment. There's almost never any foreplay and he always goes through his motions of satisfying himself without even knowing that I am uncomfortable and not enjoying myself. This is partially because I act like it's feeling good to me with the sounds I make, but it is not enjoyable.
I have never had an orgasm during sex and only a few times with using other techniques. It seems he always enjoys sex with me and I can't understand why because it feels so disconnected to me, I just can't get into it. I always catch him closing his eyes and it seems like he's trying to think of someone else in order to get off. I literally feel like a piece of meat and feel disgusted at the very thought of this. Once he's fully turned on, he just rams me like a toy until he's done. HEY, I'M HERE TOO!!!!!
Don't get me wrong, I like a quick session with him now and then and it brings me pleasure to know that he’s receiving pleasure from me, but not EVERY TIME with this porno type sex!
I had been feeling pretty disconnected from myself and actually a little depressed over this issue for the past 6 months. But then I saw your video and something inside of me clicked. I felt I had finally found the missing pieces and that I was not alone! I watched it 3 times and was so excited, feeling like I had found a missing key to my life, but that excitement was short lived.
As soon as my boyfriend got home from work, I told him I had an AMAZING video I wanted to show him. I was enthusiastically kissing him and hugging him as I pulled him towards the computer where I had the video ready to go.
He asked what it was and I told him, “Just watch and then we'll talk.” I eagerly sat on his lap, caressing him as we watched. Well, not only was he not enthusiastic about the video, his exact words when it was over were, “That's a bunch of bullshit.”
He said you're full of crap and asked me how I could believe in something so stupid and hasn't wanted to talk about it since.
What you presented makes sense to me and I feel it's a missing component in my life. I feel more spiritually and emotionally alienated from him than I ever have and I don't know what to do. I don't want to separate but this is the 5th day now since we watched the video and I feel like a part of me awakened that is asleep in him and I don't know if I can be with someone who is asleep like that anymore (I hope you understand what I'm trying to say).
Okay, here are SOME of the key points I addressed in my response:
Most guys were sexually educated through watching porn. Porn, in general, is biased towards male pleasure alone and in using females as objects for pure sexual satisfaction. It does not promote women as man's counterpart who have feelings and value.
If this is the framework, the subconscious model that most men are working off of, it is only natural that your man would be closed off to an idea that is counter-intuitive from what he has been taught and what society has accepted. “Just pull it out, bang her really hard from every angle, finish, and walk off.”
It is also only natural then, that in your past you have felt like a piece of meat. That men haven't taken the time to sense how comfortable you were or how pleasurable it was for you. This is how they were taught to interact.
I receive this same issue from MANY women. You are not alone! Our culture is sexually uneducated. Your feelings are valid and should be honored.
We all have an intuitive sense of what is right for us. Many people are waking up to the fact that more exists for us than what society has accepted for romantic relationships and sex. If you are one of these people waking up, you will most likely be playing the role of a teacher.
There are many techniques that can help awaken your partner (or potential partner). I would recommend some techniques to help facilitate his tuning into a deeper, more pleasurable level of sex. These techniques can help bring an understanding that there can be more for BOTH OF YOU.
After exploring these techniques, if he is still unwilling to listen to you and attempt to understand you, you need to do what feels right for you. Just know that you need to honor your heart and the intuitive strings that it pulls.
I would like to mention that many men are waking up as well. More and more of them are realizing that shallow, superficial sex gets old and is missing something. I work with many male clients who are on the same page as you, so just know that there is hope.
I have worked with guys who were once dedicated to the player path and boastful of sleeping with a different girl every night. They ran into a brick wall and the high wore off. That lifestyle and type of interaction became hollow to them and now they are some of the most conscious and in-tune men I know.
If they can awaken, so can your guy!
Just remember to listen to and honor your heart.
Please share if you found this article helpful.
I hope you found this helpful! Thanks for reading!
2016 copyright TheRelationshipCoach All Rights Reserved